This definition, I feel, fits the things I have been feeling and doing over the last couple of weeks, and especially so within the last couple of days. There have been so many things that I had been putting off and procrastinating on for the longest time, and out of nowhere, I would get unprecedented urges to do those things.
One of these things is cutting my hair. For the longest time, my hair has had nearly 6 inches of dead ends, and I'd been thinking about cutting it for a long while. But it was an on-and-off kind of thing, and whenever I decided to chop it, I'd think about how I wouldnt be able to put it in cute braids and wrap it around my head, or how it wouldn't fall softly down my back, and how I wouldn't be mermaid all the time (update: I am still a mermaid). However, yesterday, I felt the desire to cut it, and went out and did it right then. I didn't give myself the time to second guess it this time; I just dove right in and did it. That felt so good. //
Physically, my hair is healthier, as I no longer have 6 inches of dead, dry, mangled knots. It is sleek and shiny, and bounces in a new way. I love the way I can run my fingers through it without getting tangled up in a bunch of knots, and I love being able to fling it around and feel it's lightness, and let it bounce ever so slightly up to my ears and back down to my shoulders wheere it lays. It's not heavy and bogged down by the weight of it's own curls; it seems to have a new life to it. And, of course, it looks so good, if i do say so myself.
Emotionally, I somewhat feel as though I am "new." Not a whole new person altogether; I'm not suggesting that this haircut was a significant, life-changing moment, however, I feel refreshed. The change, although small, is good. And the feeling of being spontaneous; just going out and diving headfirst into something I had been hesistant about for quite a while, was both inspiring and uplifting. Detaching myself from something that I'd admired so much- to the point where I even adopted it as a part of me- was like shedding this exterior, and alleviating fears that I didn't even know existed. I didn't realize it before I cut my hair, but after I cut it, I realized that it was this unecessary thing that I was holding on to, solely because I had adopted it as part of my identity and used it to, in a way, hide behind. By maintaining a constant look, and sticking to normalcy, I was able to become invisible whenever I wanted to. If I was ever feeling down about where I was in life, I would look to my long locks as a sign of beauty and vanity. My hair was something that acted as a security blanket for me, and I realized that that was why I was so afraid to lose it all. //
Your physical exterior- hair, blood, flesh, and bones- are not what define your soul. Your body is merely an earthly container for something so much more vast and cosmic and magical than that. Go out and shake things up sometimes. It won't hurt; I promise. Change things, and notice how alive you feel when you realize that you can literally change anything physically, but all the while you are fundamentally, beautifully, completely you. Think about how your physical traits; how you look and how you dress; mean nothing. You can look however you want and dress however you want and do your makeup however you want; it does not define you. Do not be afraid to break barriers or step out of your comfort zone. You'll be glad you did. //
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