Did I promise weekly blog posts while in Spain?
Yes, of course I did.
Did I succeed in doing so?
Not exactly, but we're not going to count how many days late this update is/how much I suck. I'm back now and really, that's all that matters, isn't it?Surprisingly, this trip I had an outline and a plan for how to set up this blog post, but it required a lot of writing and a lot of photos, and honestly I just didn't feel like sitting down and doing that, because I'm a human being and sometimes I don't have as much motivation as I should. I decided to set this post up much like the one I did last year while describing my NSLC experience, where I wrote a slightly-more-than-brief paragraph for each day I was there. However, this time I have to write for about 18 days, so I'm splitting this up into two posts. The next one should be up September 2, so mark your calendars!

 I feel fulfilled; completely satisfied; wholly content in life and all it has to offer. Aruba proved to be a meaningful experience, despite the fact that this was my fifth time visiting, and although the initial intent was summer relaxation. Of course, relaxation was fit into the schedule, with countless hours spent by the pool, feeling the sun soak my body while "window shopping" online for clothes that I could never afford, scanning through the latest Free People catalogues and Vogue magazines, and reading biographies of some of the worlds greatest fashion icons.

Still, a significant portion of time has been spent outside, and I'm not talking "poolside of a 5-star resort" kind of outside. I'm talking deep into the inner city, endless deserts, sandy shorelines, and historic places. I'm talking the kind of adventures that leave you completely speechless and overwhelmed (in the best way) by just how vast the world is. As I attempt to sit down and recall the most intimate moments of the trip, I'm realizing that every day seemed to perfectly blend into the next, and I'm really not sure of the chronology of events. I lost track of time and dates, and although that was wonderful, it makes writing quite difficult. Please excuse the disorganized thoughts. //

I spent whole afternoons driving around the island of Aruba, and exploring some of the most beautiful locations I've ever seen. We first visited The California Lighthouse, which is located near Arashi Beach on the northwest tip of the island. It sits atop a rocky cliff, which is surrounded by cacti, succulents, and other desert greens, and overlooks the whole island. Below us, we caught glimpses of goats, which were freely roaming the dry land. It was so strange, but so wonderful to see animals just freely roaming around, without the confinements of humans placed around them.

Right next to the lighthouse, there was a truck which sold shaved ice and smoothies. Obviously, the lighthouse must attract many tourists, making it a great place to sell. I purchased a coconut smoothie, and it was the best thing I've ever tasted. Seriously. The coconuts were fresh off the tree, so much so that these people were actually cutting them up as they made your smoothie. The flavors were so rich and so sweet; much better than the ones served at the resort's bar area. //

Ok ok so I'm not actually attending New York Fashion Week, but I totally deserve to. I've been keeping up with everything on snapchat & instagram, and I've been soaking in the atmosphere of the city right now.
New York City is wonderful, and I am loving every minute of it. The primary reason for this trip is so that I can make some college visits (specifically to FIT, Parsons, and Pratt). This time around, my family and I are staying in the apartment of some friends, and we have attempted to use the subway and bus services to travel around. Although we only arrived yesterday, I have already filled up my entire phone memory with photos, spent over $70, and have gone out to eat 3 times. someonepleasestopme. //

Today, we took a visit to the beautiful Metropolitan Museum of Art, where there was a special exhibit about Countess Jacqueline de Ribes and her couture fashion designs, which were absolutely stunning. Ribes, though later in her career was a known designer, worked under the instruction of Valentino, Armani, and many others for quite sometime. Born in France, she has designed for the "Bal Oriental," the peak of aristocratic beauty in Paris. I learned so many new things, and this exhibit was definitely my favorite. Fashion is what I live for. It's more than just waking up in the morning and putting on clothes. Fashion is art. It is self-expression; my clothes say something about myself in a way that is completely unique and individualized. The way I dress is an act of me owning who I am and what I like and how I feel and how I want to come across. Fashion tells stories. Fashion is a part of history. Fashion is personal; fashion is collective. Don't ever tell me that fashion is petty & that it doesn't matter. Because I live it & breathe it. //

12 days in New York City, 10 of which were spent at the wonderful NSLC (National Student Leadership Conference). Not to be too cliche, but in simple terms, it changed my life. I cannot say enough good things about my experience. I learned so much both about theatre and how to be a better leader in society, and I walked out a completely different person than I was when I first arrived at NSLC 2 weeks ago. There are too many things that I cannot possibly write about them all, but I will try to cover as many as possible in this post. Where do I begin? //

Day 1: I arrived in New York City with my mom and younger sister Abby. We took the bus in, which was pretty alright. We first sought out lunch, and found a cute vegan place that had some good ass tacos. Later that afternoon, we went to the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA), followed by dinner at a place called Ellen's Stardust Diner, where the waitstaff sings and give some performances as they serve you food (ya know, they're waiting for their big break on Broadway and stuff). The food was mediocre, but it seems like a cool place to work while in college and trying to make money purely off talent. We then went home and I went to bed, because I had gotten up at like, 5:45 am and was super worn out from the long but satisfying day 1 in NYC. //

Day 2: We were able to sleep in a little bit, but needed to be up and out around 9:00 so that we could get breakfast and arrive at the Central Park Zoo around 10:00 and beat the crowds. Breakfast was expensive, but delicious. I got a berry filled crêpe and some coffee. The zoo was quite nice, I mean, as zoos go. Visiting the zoo was something my sister wanted to do, so seeing her happy and taking photos and enjoying her time was nice. Next came one of my favorite parts: shopping in Times Square! (A haul video may or may not be coming your way on the YouTube...) Anyway, I ended up purchasing items at both Uniqlo and Topshop. Immediately after this, we went to a restaurant called Bucca de Beppo for dinner, which has kind-of become a family NYC tradition. I'm pretty sure we've eaten there once every time we go to the city. Finally, we saw the Broadway production of Kinky Boots. Seeing as I love theatre in general, there is never going to be a Broadway show that I don't like. With that being said, Kinky Boots had really good messages, some strong musical numbers (Not My Father's Son), and amazing dancing, but it was not one of my all-time favorites. It was definitely worth going though, and was a good way to end day 2 in NYC. //

Day 3: This was the day I got to go to NSLC! When we first woke up in the morning, my family and I went out for breakfast to a little diner, then went back to the hotel and watched an episode of Law & Order: SVU (the last episode I'd be able to watch for over a week). We then proceeded to walk down to the campus of Fordham University at Lincoln Center. I signed in, went up to my temporary dorm, and began unpacking. I realized I forgot hangers, so my mom had to take me to Bed Bath & Beyond to pick some up. As soon as I was done hanging up my clothes, I went down to a luncheon that was happening for the NSLC and leT ME TELL YOU, it was one of the most terrifying things ever. I walked in, and there in a large room was a bunch of girls already sitting and deeply engrossed in conversation. I recognized a couple of them from a group chat we had been in on Facebook, and they seemed to recognize me, so they all said hi and we made acquaintance, and it ended up being alright. A few of us then hung out in someone's dorm, and then went on a tour of the campus, making things seem a lot less scary. Next, we met in our TA groups, and that's where I met Liv (my TA), and most of the other friends I made in the 10 days. Our first meeting was just a lot of "Hi I'm _______, and here's this interesting fact about me:______."  Liv had us begin this thing called "Why Am I Here," and every day, we'd have to state why we were here at this point in our lives (and I noticed that from day 1 to day 10, I grew as a person, so I'll be writing those in this post.) It was good to be a part of a smaller group, and it made me feel slightly more secure. Finally, we had the "opening ceremony" and dinner, then I went to bed feeling a bit uneasy, but mostly very excited about what was in store during my time at NSLC. ~ I'm here because I got a letter in the mail, and I wanted to see what it was about and experience something new. //

Day 4: We began the day with a ropes course, which I had expected to not enjoy at all. However, I was pleasantly surprised. The course was doable, and I realized I enjoyed the group of people that I was with. In my TA group, there were two people who I found out lived in towns very close to mine, and I realized had a great time getting to know them and everyone else in the group. It didn't feel like we were at the course for very long at all, because I liked the friends I was making. On the downside however, the bus ride to and from was 6 hours in total, which was completely exhausting. Once we got back to Fordham, we basically only had time for one TA meeting and dinner before retreating to our rooms, because it was so late when we returned. I went to bed knowing that there were some pretty amazing things in store, and I was super excited to wake up the next morning. ~ I'm here because now that I know everyone, I'm excited to get our show underway and experience NSLC with cool new friends. //

Day 5: This was only day 3 of my NSLC experience, but it had already proven to be one of the most magical experiences of my life. I was fortunate enough to spend the morning here at the Manhattan Theatre Club (MTC), and receive lectures from professionals in the industry. Stage and production managers, directors, playwrights, artistic leaders, and a variety of designers took the time out of their hectic schedules to talk with theatre students about so many different aspects of production. Talking with and listening to these professionals was both a humbling experience, and also one that made me realize this crazy dream is kind-of more possible than I thought. All of these wonderful men and women are normal people, and seeing that was so so amazing. Following this, I was lucky enough to see the incredible Broadway production of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime which was absolutely phenomenal. I cannot say enough good things about it, and it is quite literally the BEST show I have ever seen. And if that wasn't cool enough in itself, afterward, the actors came back out onto the stage and the members of NSLC were able to have a talkback session in which the actors told us about their experiences with this show and acting in general. Again, the experience was very humbling, but also filled me with so much excitement and hope for the future. All of the cast members are so down-to-Earth, and are just normal people. They get distracted playing with confetti left on the stage and take off their shoes after a long show. Even though I don't personally know any of the professionals, I felt connected to each and every one of them in a special way, and I am more than thankful for the advice and tips that they were able to provide me with. I knew that I had an excellent week in store. ~ I'm here because I want to do theatre for the rest of my life. //

Day 6: We began day 6 with a TA meeting, in which each group was given the scripts of the show we were to perform later that week. My group was given "The Seussification of Romeo and Juliet." Next, we had an acting masterclass with Mark Schneider, which was amazing. I learned so much about acting just by listening to him speak and go over monologues with students. The workshop made it feel like I was in a professional acting setting, which is something that I've never had before, and I'm thankful that I was able to work with an industry professional. Next, we had a meeting with Craig Wroe, who gave a lecture called "Business of the Business," and basically told us what it's really like to live in New York City and make a living as an actor. I had expected him to complain about how awful life is and how poor he is, but I was pleasantly surprised when Mr. Wroe told us to focus on the positives, because it is possible to live out our dreams (despite the fact that there are 89,000 unemployed actors in NYC). His words and overall conduct was inspiring to me. Finally, after dinner, we went to a leadership session in conflict resolution, in which I had to evaluate myself and figure out some not-so-positive traits that I possess. It was a learning and growing experience for all of us on personal levels. Immediately following that, we closed the night with one of my favorite activities of the whole trip, which was called Dyadic Encounter. Here, each person was paired up with someone else, and for me, it was someone who I didn't know very well at all. We were given a paper with questions on it, and we were given 90 minutes to sit down and answer the 24 questions. The cool thing about this, however, was that the open-ended questions led to deeper conversation, and I let some things off my chest to this stranger. These were things I've never really talked about to anyone. And I don't know how it happened. We didn't even get to answer all of the questions, because we had gone off in a completely different conversation and lost track of time just enjoying one another's company. Spilling all my secrets and engaging in deep conversation with someone I hardly know is something I would never do on my own, but the experience was so so incredibly rewarding. I realized that this girl I was talking to had a lot of the same goals, aspirations, fears and failures as I did. It was a profound moment when I realized what it actually means to be human. I learned a lot about this other person, but also a lot more about myself. I know that I may not ever talk to her again, but it's okay, because for that moment, we had a connection, and it was beautiful, and a life-changing moment that I will never forget. ~ I'm here to take initiative and control of my life in order to become who I want to be and do what I want to do. //

Day 7: We were supposed to have a lecture in the morning about designing, modeling, and creating our shows, but unfortunately Mr. James FitzSimmons (our theatre professor for the week and also producer of Hand to God) was sick, so he couldn't make it in. We used that time instead to work in our TA groups and create our show. I was an actor and also part of the costume design team (go figure), so my time was mostly spent reading lines or sketching little Dr. Seuss-esque outfits. We then went to 2 of the 4 TA-taught workshops we would be participating in this week. Mine were "Intro to Playwriting" and "So You Think You Can Dance?" The playwriting class was very interesting to me, because writing (both books and plays), has always  been something I've wanted to do, but I've never really known how to push through and keep working on the story without getting frustrated. This workshop was a neat way to get me introduced to the basics of playwriting and teach me how I can go about turning my ideas into written works. In the dance class, we were given basic choreography to learn, much like we would be given at an audition. It was simple to perform, but still was fun. I've always loved dancing and have been taking dance classes for many years, so being in that class, even if it was just an hour and 15 minutes, made me feel comfortable and at home. Finally, we had a college panel, which was basically when we got to ask our TAs about any and all aspects of college. Although I've put a bit of thought into college (I am after all only a sophomore), I know that next year I'll actually have to start looking and applying places, so I feel as though this panel was very beneficial. After, we had another TA meeting in which we worked on our show, ate food, and sang songs. It was a fun and lighthearted way to end the night. ~ I'm here because I'm excited to create my own show and work on the areas of theatre that I have not done before. //

Day 8: The first thing I thought when I woke up was, "Holy shit, we have free time today!" because, as you may have been able to gather from reading this post, free time came far and in-between. After breakfast, we went to a short 45-minute long TA meeting, in which we just checked in on our progress. We then boarded a bus and headed into Greenwich Village, which is absolutely gorgeous! I took a lot of pictures during free time (which you can see on my instagram), found a cute little bakery where I got some macarons, and went shopping. Free time was over at 2 pm, and we headed into the a theater to see an Off-Broadway show called The Flick. Personally, I thought the show was really really amazing, even though it didn't have the typical over-the-top and intense style of Broadway. The show only had 4 characters (and one character had a total of 6 minutes of stage time), and it was "real." As an audience member, you feel as though you're just watching normal people go about their daily routines, and interact with other people. The emotions seem raw and real, and to an audience member, it makes you a bit uncomfortable, as if you've walked in to an awkward moment and are violating privacy. With every character, there is a time when you love them, and a time when you hate them. There is no "hero" of the story, but rather a bunch of humans who play different parts in each other's lives. Needless to say, I was very moved by the show, and the ending really left me with a lot to think about (as you can see, it's even difficult for me to form coherent sentences about the show). It was amazing and I highly recommend. After the show, we boarded the bus again and returned to Fordham. We had a movie night and watched Footloose, but I had a wicked bad head ache and was so exhausted that I left early to get to bed. It was a great day. ~ I'm here to have profound moments that I feel move me. //

Day 9: Thankfully when I woke up, my headache from the night before had disappeared. Immediately after breakfast we had our 3rd TA-taught workshop of the 4. The one I went to was called "Auditioning 101." I remember that the workshop started out with an instrumental piece being played, and we all had to just walk around the room and zone out. We retreated into our own worlds as the TA gave us a scenario to place ourselves in. It was quite relaxing, and I found it so amazing that by listening to a song and imagining, I could, like, physically feel the heat of the sun on my back, or cold water on my toes as I stepped into a stream. I retreated into my own world, and knew that nobody else was there in that world, and that I could be whoever I wanted. This technique is great for "becoming" a character, or stepping into their life and situation for a while. After this, we did some energy and focus-building warm-ups that are great to do before an audition. Finally, we went over small things that you can do to prepare yourself for an audition, and how to feel confident walking into the room. Despite the fact that I have auditioned for different projects at many different times, the workshop was a good reminder and confidence builder for future auditions. Next, we had a management/casting panel with professionals in the industry, which I didn't like as much as some of the other panels. I think the reason for this is because I was totally exhausted and was having trouble keeping my eyes open. Even so, this panel of people gave us information on how to get managers and agents, told us what things are necessary for an acting career, and made it very clear that headshots are important. The panel was helpful and had a lot of insider information that is beneficial to anyone who wants to make it in the acting business. Later, we had a leadership series, which was called "Commitment in Action." The room was set up so that there was a "runway" of tape, and chairs on either side of it. Our job was to walk through the tape lines in a creative way, and we had to use the same method from start to finish. We had to commit to it. Following this, we had to fill out little "agreements," stating what kind of leader we aspire to be. We then had to get a witness to sign it; someone who would hold us accountable for the promise we made. I felt like the commitment exercise was not only beneficial to my growth as a leader and human in society, but also to my growth as a performer. I know that I have to commit to this job, and commit to my choices. If acting is not my passion, I shouldn't do it. Commitment is key, in everything. Finally, to close off the night we had a karaoke night, which was fun (but again, I left early to take my shower before my roomate/suitemates got back). ~ I'm here because I absolutely love what I'm doing. //

Day 10: Much like day 9, this day began with the last TA-taught workshop. This one was called "Acting, Movement, & the Ensemble." This workshop had a lot to do with making choices based on other people's actions. We had to really feel each other out and take energy from one another, which is always important when on stage. The exercises in this workshop were really good at getting us all connected and teaching us how we can interact and become one with each other. Next, we went to the acting panel, which I think was my favorite panel to attend, because I am most interested in being an actor. Basically, we talked with wonderful performers who have been in Broadway, Off-Broadway, and other productions around New York, and they just told us about the daily life of an actor. They informed us of an actors hectic and ever-changing schedules, as well as how they can transition into and out of character, manage 8 shows a week, stay inspired, and make enough money to pay rent. There wasn't really one specific topic we talked about. The actors simply told us true facts about living as an actor, and it was once again a humbling experience to listen to these normal people talk about this life that they worked so hard to create for themselves. I see that it is possible to live out my crazy dream if I work hard enough. Lunch came next, and then we had a Shakespeare Forum, in which we learned how to read, understand, and begin to act out Shakespeare's work. While I enjoyed this, it seemed very similar to what we learned in English class last year (which isn't bad at all, just a bit redundant). It was still a good experience though. Finally, we walked down to Times Square, and had a  few hours of free time, which I spent shopping and getting pizza, before we saw On The Town. Compared to the other two shows we had seen, On The Town was lacking in moral value, and there wasn't really anything to take from it. However, it was a big showstopping Broadway production, and I thoroughly enjoyed the singing, dancing, and half-naked men on stage. If you're in to huge productions and the "classic Broadway musical" feel, this show is definitely one for you. After the show, we got back on the bus, returned to Fordham, and went to bed. ~ I'm here to experience deep moments and reshape my entire way of thinking in order to follow my dreams and live my life. //

Day 11: I remember thinking, "This is it." This was the last full day I was going to be able to spend here. Right after breakfast, we had our final rehearsals of our show. The pressure was on. After lunch, it was time to present our concepts and designs to our peers, our TAs, and Mr. FitzSimmons. It wasn't anything too exciting if I'm being completely honest. After that, we all performed our shows for one another, and though I always enjoy performing, I wasn't really a fan of the Seussification of Romeo and Juliet, so, like, it was just alright. I really enjoyed watching the other groups, and it was cool to see what everyone else had been working on throughout the week. We then had dinner, and then our final leadership series, called "What I Discovered." Just as the title says, in this session people were able to stand up and share what they had discovered during their 10 days at NSLC. There was a lot of crying and hugging and it made me really sad because it wasn't really until that moment that I realized I'd be leaving tomorrow. There were so many different emotions in the room, ranging from contentment and gratefulness to fear and vulnerability. Thankfully, the tears and extreme emotions didn't last for long! The final event of the night was the "NSLC Tonie Awards," followed by a dance/social/Tonie afterparty thing. We all got to get dressed up and drink sparkling cider from plastic champagne glasses and win awards for the shows we did. My design team and I won an award for our costuming, and the lightning designer, sound designer, and set designer won awards too. It was quite magical, even though it wasn't the real Tonys, it felt wonderful to have your work and creative vision recognized by others. The social was fun, and I danced a lot. Which was weird, because usually at informal dances I'm an awkward lump who just sits in the corner and eats food. I think that my willingness to just get up and let lose was just a small example of how NSLC changed my life, and gave me so much more confidence in myself in just 10 days. ~ I'm here because this is our last full day together, and I want to make the most of it and put on a great show with the people I love. //

Day 12: I think compared to the rest of my time at NSLC, this day was both the easiest and the hardest, for different reasons. It was the easiest in that we only attended the Closing Ceremony and a final TA meeting, and then we could go home. It was a low-key and not busy day, so in that sense it was easy. I was looking forward to home, and knew that I would be going to a familiar place, which felt easier than when I had first arrived at NSLC.  However, it was the hardest day because I had also grown familiar with Fordham University, and had created a second family with all of the wonderful people I had lived with for 10 days. There was a lot of crying and nostalgic memories, which I was not expecting would happen back on day 1. If you had told me I would grow so attached to these people and make best friends in just 10 days, I'd tell you that you are completely out of your mind. Yet that's what happened, and it was hard to leave. One of the last things Liv said to us was, "If you miss people, it means that you're living your own life, and that's a good thing."Those are words I'll never forget. Seeing and experiencing the world and all it has to offer sometimes means leaving the people you love, but it's okay to go live your life. You don't have to say goodbye; just see you later.  ~ I'm here because now, I don't want to leave. I've made some amazing friends while here, and learned that it's okay to love who I am and accept challenges that come my way. I have been changed for good, and I don't want this to end. //